Pay Tribute with an Experienced Funeral Celebrant in Whitby and District

Some years ago, when I was a non-denominational Hospice Chaplain in Sussex, I was asked to conduct a funeral ceremony for a patient whom I had come to know well. Shortly before she died, she had said to me, “God and I get on fine, but the Church and I haven’t spoken for some time!” She wanted a service that acknowledged her own spiritual position, but which didn’t necessarily follow the book, and she did not want it to take place in her local church – she felt that would not have been right either for her or her family. Almost inevitably, the funeral she and I put together over time contained some elements familiar to any regular church-goer – but also contained other secular readings, poetry and music, as well as memories that were personal to her. The service was held at the local Crematorium where the digital music system allowed for a full appreciation of the music she had chosen, and her ashes were subsequently scattered on the South Downs where elements of the service were repeated and once again her family were fully involved – including young grandchildren for whom the funeral itself might have been a little overwhelming.

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    From that time on, I became interested in providing appropriate services for folk whose own spiritual journey wasn’t necessarily within the structure of a church (of whatever denomination), nor even within any a religious context, but who nevertheless owned and valued an understanding of the spiritual element of their lives.


    For so many people, life is so much more than simply breathing in and out - it involves a journey, both one’s own journey and the journey shared with others. That journey is often difficult and can involve sadness, disappointments and regrets. It can involve experiences that change not just our lives but also our understanding or perception of ‘God’ – for example, wartime experiences, or the loss of a child. Such experiences force us to ask questions that do not always support easy answers. They equally demand of us such characteristics as courage, endurance, tolerance, forgiveness.


    The journey also blesses us with times of great happiness and joy, experiencing the beauty and wonder of creation, not just of the natural world, but also human creativity in music and poetry, in great works of art and buildings, and the legacy of history and time. We are blessed with companions, friends and lovers. Through them, too, we discover own purpose in life. We are made fully human by the experience of Love, with all its joys and sacrifices.


    I believe that the only real resource we have to help us on our own journey is that same gift of Love. It is truly that force which can change the world, especially our own world. It is that force of Love that some could perhaps understand as being the expression of God. And it is that which we celebrate when we meet together to say farewell to those whose own journeys of life are ended.

About the service

Quite rightly, your funeral director will check with you first to see if your local minister is the more appropriate person to conduct the service. Should that prove not to be the case, for whatever reason, then my hope is to provide a service which meets the needs of those who are not necessarily religious or ‘churchy’, but who also would not consider the humanist or atheist approach to be right for them. Many folk are not church-goers at all, but that doesn’t mean to say that they don’t have a philosophy or a spirituality, which helps them to make sense of the journey of life. I can be formally dressed as a minister, or simply in shirt and tie, to suit you.

It is my understanding that a funeral service should address both the life of the person who has died, in all its richness and diversity, and at the same time the needs of those who gather to say farewell.



I often refer to such services as a ‘Thanksgiving and Celebration’ of a life. Combining both dignity and reflection in thanksgiving, I also hope to contain lightness and humour in celebration, where appropriate. The time we spend together in reflection upon someone’s life is thus tailored specifically to that person, with a focus on all their individuality and personality, their life journey and their achievements. Whether they have been a notable public figure, or someone whose life has been quiet and seemingly unremarkable, to those who remember them in love every life is unique and precious. It might be that they have been for us an inspiration – in the way in which they have lived with a debilitating illness or faced suffering, or in the way in which they have served their community or nation, in wartime or in peace. It could be that their understanding of the importance of family has been fundamental in how our own lives have developed. We can celebrate their strengths and their achievements, the richness of their human nature and their own individual characteristics.

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    In putting together the service, we can consider not just the content that is appropriate to that person and to you as a family, but also who might be best to take part. Whilst I can certainly conduct the entire service where necessary, sometimes it is right and proper for family and friends to take part, too – perhaps to read a poem, play some music on their instrument of choice, or deliver a tribute or share special memories. Working closely with the Funeral Director of your choice, it will be my privilege to meet with you at a place and time of your choosing. We can meet in your own home, or perhaps the home of the one who has died. We can sometimes meet at the premises of the Funeral Director or wherever you are staying.


    I will take time with you to talk through how you’d like the service to be, and all options and ideas can be discussed. I start with a ‘blank piece of paper’ because I am here to listen to what you want, not tell you what you are allowed to have. Your chosen Funeral Director and I will do all we can to meet your needs and wishes, fully understanding that these might change over time.


    If the service is to be held at a Crematorium, there is an almost limitless option to the music we can provide. If the service is to be held in a separate venue (or where some Funeral Directors have their own chapels) we can usually provide your choice of music with enough notice. If you require hymns, we can also provide the appropriate music to sing to.


    Most importantly, the service seeks to be a means by which, as you leave the space where the service is held, you can feel that your farewells have been said in the best way possible, and that we have honoured the life and memory of the one who has died in a way of which they too would approve.


    It is my hope that we can together create the means by which the gentle process of healing the pain of loss can begin, knowing that though we have to say farewell to someone we love, it is nevertheless only a part of them to whom we say that farewell - and that the life we celebrate is still a part of your life and will be for all eternity.

Ashes

Following a cremation, I am happy to meet with you at a time and place to be arranged so that ashes can be scattered or buried. A short time of reflection is offered on this occasion and can be tailored in just the same way as the main funeral service.

Fees

The Funeral Director will advise you of the current fees for my services. You are also welcome to contact me directly.